Yesterday, we had our son's first birthday party. Obviously, the family and friends were invited. Along with the invitation, a note was sent. It read along the lines of, Christmas just came and our son has plenty of toys, If you are going to bless him with gifts, please give clothing (his current size and that of needed items was provided) or a donation for his college fund (bank and account number provided). My wife even said that any toys given would be returned for credit towards clothing or cash towards his savings account.

Well, gift opening time came and the disgusting display of wasted money ensued.
Half of the clothes given were either too small or of a size he wouldn't fit into when the season came around to him wearing them.
The toys were just a redundancy of Christmas. We just got done returning all of that crap.

The only people to deposit directly into his account were, of course his parents , and my parents.

Now, please, understand we are very grateful for people sharing in the blessed moment of my son's first birthday and being gracious enough to bring a gift, but come on. Why waste your time, and ours, and go out of your way to get an item that is not needed or wanted? Why? People had no problem giving a gift card, so, why not just put money into his bank account?

Well, the kids are at grandma's and the wife and I are snowed-in wading through and sorting this crap into keep and return piles.

I hear ya. Went through the same thing last year, and will surely see a repeat of it this year. Utterly mind boggling. How hard is it to read, and follow directions? I'd honestly rather have them show up empty handed, than get more damned toys.

They were just re-gifting crap they received and could not use.

i am blessed to have 4 kids and grandparents that give to the kids so much. it gets so old my wife has the kids go through their toys 2 or more times a year to take to good will. my 3 year old gets so overwhelmed with the toys and junk she dosent know what to play with or even what to do..... it gets old. oh you know whats even better some of the grandparents give all the kids gifts one everyone of their birthdays...

Send out a thank you note to everyone who was invited with the following text. It should prevent 1st world problems like this for the next event.

Thanks for responding to our son's first birthday party.

We were thoroughly disgusted by the display of wasted money in the form of toys, gift cards and wrong sized clothes that all had to be returned. Half of the clothes given were either too small or of a size he wouldn't fit into when the season came around to him wearing them. The toys were just a redundancy of Christmas. The gift cards were mostly for places we don't frequent because the prices are too high or the selection is poor or it's just inconvenient. As of this writing we just finished returning all of that crap.

My wife included a note in the invitation with a list of appropriate gifts which was apparently too difficult for most people to follow. The effort to convert the volume of gifts received into cash wasted an enormous amount of our time and it was obviously a waste or your time since we converted it all to cash anyway.

We hope to hear from you next year at the joyous celebration of our son's second birthday if you have the presence of mind to bring cash or deposit receipt. If you plan to waste both our time with a check, money order or some gift we'll just have to return we'd rather you stay home.

God bless.

doubloon wrote:

Doubloon,
I like that, I really do, but my wife has been blessed with the gift of kindness, she will be merited with sainthood when she sees St. Peter. This being the case, I must bite my tongue.
I grew up in a very Italian household. No talking at dinner, no one eats until my father sits, the women cook while the men enjoy themselves, etc. If my wife wasn't there to stop me, I'd thank you for your gift and tell you to get the hell out for being ignorant and disrespectful. To tell you the truth, I think half my family would either understand and go or fix the problem and enjoy the party.

I just tell my wife to "repay the favor" when the time comes around.

Anyway. Off to returns we will be a heading.

We banned gifts for adults at Christmas. The kids get stuff - way too much junk as you pointed out.

I know it doesn't help get good gifts, but we went to a kids party that said no gifts, but bring a book and there will be a book exchange, so that at least eliminated the junk gifts.

I don't think you can ask for money though and get upset when people don't send it. There are three reasons why someone would ignore the money request. One is that some people don't think that it is proper to ask for a specific gift. Other people think that money does not require any thought and so they consider it a wimp-out and want to give a personal gift. Or they may just be regifting something lying around.

Money is the best gift though - more people should know that. This is especially true for a wedding gift rather than a vase or a toaster.

silencertalk wrote: Money is the best gift though - more people should know that.

I'm young enough to remember being a kid and what I remember is almost never getting anything but money as a gift.
Sometimes a crappy sweater, but usually cash or a check.
I used savings bonds, yes savings bonds, to buy my first car. Try talking yourself into buying one of those, these days.

I've always felt it was tacky when parents include on birthday invitations what gifts to give their kids, but then again that's just me.

Maser wrote:I've always felt it was tacky when parents include on birthday invitations what gifts to give their kids, but then again that's just me.

So, you've never, not once; made a wishlist, told someone what you wanted, made a wedding registry, bought items from a registry/wish list or got a gift that someone specifically asked for? You've never been invited to a dinner party and been asked to bring a pie or bottle of wine? I find that hard to believe.

When the back of your SUV is packed solid, for your 1 yr old's birthday, with the same amount of gifts he received just a month before, it gets a bit annoying.

My point is about wasteful spending. It is not about wanting people to obey my wants and desires.

I can't remembering being asked to bring a bottle of wine or desert to someone's dinner party. We do it though. I think it needs to be unspoken.

I agree that the annoying part is wasteful spending, and I feel the same way. But I don't think it is ok to stop it by asking for certain gifts except to certain people. Like I could tell my mother what my kids need or want, but less so other people. The way that we reduced it is to ban gifts for Christmas, except to the kids. Then only money is wasted on the kids - which I still find annoying that they have piles of toys.

So yes, annoying, but I don't think there is a solution.

silencertalk wrote:I can't remembering being asked to bring a bottle of wine or desert to someone's dinner party. We do it though.

I saw your pics of the wine cellar. You are welcome to bring a bottle over anytime. I wouldn't complain about a nice port

T-Rex wrote: So, you've never, not once; made a wishlist, told someone what you wanted, made a wedding registry, bought items from a registry/wish list or got a gift that someone specifically asked for? You've never been invited to a dinner party and been asked to bring a pie or bottle of wine? I find that hard to believe.

Nope. I don't associate myself with people who would do that. The people who invite me places want me myself to show up. Not my wallet.

Yeah, kids get way too much crap these days. My first grand kid is on the way, big whoop, and my wife wants to buy this and that and ad infinitum. I told her, do you know how much junk she's going to get?

BAck on topic though, Americans are very giving and trusting people. I took a class on German culture and the difference between us and other places in the world was pointed out from the German instructor. Anyway, I digress. People just want to be generous to friends and loved ones.
That said, if I were in the same situation, I know and work with many local charities that are more than happy to accept clothes and toys for kids that get nothing at all. If the kids are too young to know the difference, then it is no big deal, if they are old enough, then they learn the value of charitable giving to the less fortunate. So, in my invitations, I'd state that excess clothes or toys will be donated in unused condition to one of the following charities.

Asking for money? Tacky in my opinion.

As for gifts themselves, I pick what I want to give as a gift should come from the individual and not some list. People never know what they're going to get from me.

A Side story.
Every year we have a big Christmas party for family and friends. My birthday is very close to Christmas and anyone in my situation will agree to 2 things that ruin your birthday. 1 - getting 1 big gift for your birthday AND Christmas rather than 2 smaller gifts. and 2 - a birthday present wrapped in Christmas paper. So, for our party, no gifts are accepted. People will bring a bottle of wine or something small which is appreciated but my good friend Bryan always brings me a birthday present, usually scotch, and it is always wrapped in Christmas paper and it is appreciated. Now Bryan and his girlfriend are getting married here in a few months. So, for his wedding present, he is getting a very good bottle of scotch and it will be wrapped in Christmas paper. He will get it.

Good story baker.

I have made a habit of calling my friends and wishing them happy birthday at 6AM on the date of their birthday.

They expect it, and for some reason they appreciate it.

Yeah, it's just horrible when people give you things. I mean really. As a king, it's to be expected that what you think an appropriate gift to you or your progeny, needs to be adhered to.

Screw those people that gift things you find beneath your level of need. Dirty bastards. I bet they got up that morning, went to the mall, and just to twist the knife shoved in your craw, bought something with their hard earned money, not to mention the fact that they were apparently thinking of you, just to ruin your day.

Get a grip dude.

continuity wrote:Yeah, it's just horrible when people give you things. I mean really. As a king, it's to be expected that what you think an appropriate gift to you or your progeny, needs to be adhered to.

Screw those people that gift things you find beneath your level of need. Dirty bastards. I bet they got up that morning, went to the mall, and just to twist the knife shoved in your craw, bought something with their hard earned money, not to mention the fact that they were apparently thinking of you, just to ruin your day.

Get a grip dude.

Don't you have some sig brace owners to go arrest or something. You know, there's nothing worse than having those scofflaws out illegally shouldering their sig brace pistols. The horror! So good to have law ENFORCER'S that take their job, and themselves, so seriously. I read there may be some job openings in NY. The ones there that understand their oath are refusing to enforce the mag ban. I bet you can show them a thing or two.

Please stay on topic.

It wouldn't occur to me to be upset if someone gave me a gift wrapped in the wrong kind of paper.

I do remember wrapping a gift in cartoon newspaper when I was a kid, and giving it to a friend for his birthday, and his older brother complained that the paper must not have cost me anything. This was about 35 year ago and I still remember it.

Sounds like you should have planned the conception of your son for the Fall, then his birthday would be evenly split with Christmas on the calendar and you wouldn't have these kinds of problems!

silencertalk wrote:It wouldn't occur to me to be upset if someone gave me a gift wrapped in the wrong kind of paper.

It's funny. Almost everyone with a December birthday has had that happen at least once. The next time that you run into someone with a late December birthday, ask them if it ever happened.

I know someone with a December birthday, it's a lot like not having a birthday at all. When she was little her parents kept combining her birthday with her brother's birthday in November like President's day.

My Brother is a Dec 26 BD... Our parents always made sure we had the big presents on an equal basis... they are awesome. But after the unwrapping carnage was done, he always knew if I got cowboy boots or a red rider.... what his B-day present was gonna be.

My second oldest son was born on 26 Dec.

We always celebrated his birthday on 26 June. Fixed that problem.

I know all too well about the lack of joy offered by gifts for December birthdays. My family is full of them (over half of the members of my family were born in December). The wrapper paper bit has never really been a big deal (heck, we've been known to use Easter paper for Christmas...) but the "combination" gifts definitely get rather old. For those who might not "get" that, it isn't typically about the quantity or quality of the gifts; it's the lack of interest/effort shown by the giver that's most offensive. E.g. "I got you something for Christmas. Oh, yea, and uh... it's um, a birthday gift too... yea... "

I also fully understand the "why can't people follow directions?!" aggravation. My wife and I gave our families our "wish lists" last year for birthday/christmas/anniversary/etc. The overall response was "those things aren't good gifts!" and they got us loads of things we'll never use (I live in south Florida and don't drink wine; why the hell do I need an arctic-grade snow parka and a wine fridge?) and now have to try and sell (or give away) these items because we've no use (or space) for them.

Maybe some folks have the luxury of being able to keep stuff just because someone gave it to you, but other folks are limited on space (houses in southern FL don't typically have much closet space and almost none have basements) so the things they keep MUST be strategically selected.

Thankfully, my wife gets this, so at least we got gifts from each other that we both wanted -- (for Christmas I got my compact torque wrench, and she got her chlorine filter for the shower!)

For most folks with this view on gift giving, it isn't "looking a gift-horse in the mouth" because we're upset we got a horse; it's that the barn is over-filled with cows for the winter with no room for another animal and we needed to use the money we'll now have to spend on horse feed to replace the flat tire on the tractor so we can plow the driveway and keep getting our milk to market...

In other words: "Thanks, but your gift just forced me to have to deploy some of my limited resources in a fashion that's highly detrimental to me -- after I gave you a slew of ideas of things that would be VERY beneficial to me".